At last I am writing in this blog again. I have been saying
I will find the time for oh...like 2 years now. I expected to have the urge
to write once I was pregnant with numero douce back in June, but it turns out,
life is pretty crazy when you’re pregnant, working, raising a toddler and
trying to look and act like a sane and normal person for the majority of all
those tasks.
On top of it all I am now
growing another person who will soon also be bossing me around and influencing
even more decisions in my life. It’s almost irrational..its like, man my life
is busy...I should probably add a person to it that I love so much I will let
him/her deprive me of sleep, cause me to put my body through hell and back, and
wreck my heart on a whole new level all over again. Honestly, you feel so love addicted to them, that even when You’ve
had the longest day ever of listening to Elmo songs, staying sane during temper
tantrums and time outs, and using every method of negotiation in the book to
convince the bugger to eat his damn dinner, get dressed or just “let” me change
his stinky diapers, you will still miss
him the second he’s in bed and feel the urge to wake up the little terrorist
just to get one more hug.
I'm making
ANOTHER one of those. Is anyone else
concerned?
Honestly though, the first years with Sam were hard
work, but absolutely the best 25 months of my life. People and articles told me
how hard it would be on my marriage, how hard it would be for my career, how I didn’t
know the kinds of change that would happen in my life until I had this baby and
saw it all for myself. Everyone seems hell bent on freaking you out when you're expecting your first baby. Which is annoying to say the least.
Yes, its been challenging, yes we have had days or weeks where we are worn out and down, but overall, it has been mostly wonderful.
I can honestly
say, I love that man that made this little monster (and this second one) even
more than I did 2 years ago, watching him become a father, and a thoughtful and
supportive husband who comes home from work and plays with his son, and shows us how much he loves us over and
over again by being here when we need him and being patient when we are
annoying him ,has made me feel like we can do anything together, even tag team
another one of these itty bitty bossy beings.
Going back to work was definitely a challenge, and I am lucky that I was
able to find a part time position and we were able to make our finances work
around that, because the balance we were able to find was wonderful, and it
gave me the opportunity to start
pursuing my career goal of becoming a
cancer care nurse, allowing me to
complete the chemotherapy administration course, add more shifts and training
to my schedule and ( as a toast to my own insanity) start my Oncology Nursing
Course ...while pregnant. This last
decision was a little overly ambitious for my own good, but we will figure it
out one way or another, since I'm only one exam in of 6 with baby two only 4
weeks away...women be crazy. Either way, it has been a tricky year of finding
balance and finding joy in things we usually take for granted, but once you
find your balance, whatever that is, it really is amazing.
Overall, we decided to add more chaos to our current chaos
because its been an amazing adventure and we feel stronger and happier for it.
Yes, I expect some low points while we try to find our new balance again this
upcoming year, but I also know that this baby will bring us even more joy at
the end of the day. While the end of some those days may seem far far away,
and while sleep deprivation may cause me to have leg hair the length of my
bangs, eat meals made of cereal and
cheese whiz and find alone time only while I poop, years from now I know I will
be grateful we had them...the days, not the children...well maybe both. I read a quote the other day that really sums
up having babies and small children, “though the days can be long, the years
are short, cherish them”. I remember reading that when sam was a baby and
thought, good god these women are crazy, of course I can’t wait for Sam to be a
big boy so I can get a full night’s sleep back..but now that he’s sitting
beside me watching Elmo and eating his cheerios, I already miss yesterday, last month and 20 months ago...(let’s be
honest those first couple weeks with a newborn were a little rough). He’s my
favorite thing in the whole world and I love that I share him with the most
wonderful guy, and that we have this sweet little boy in common for the rest of
our lives.
And THAT is why I'm growing this second one.
I am trying HARD to appreciate being pregnant this time
around, because it may be the last time I get to make a baby but again,
pregnancy is mostly gross and mostly hard work.
I had gained a whole new respect for my body after Sam, I obviously
struggled with the post baby body syndrome (more on that later), but I really
admired my ability to do things I took for granted again, like squatting down
and breathing at a normal pace and being able to pick up my little boy and walk
more than like ten steps without feeling like I needed a nap.
So I am while I am eager to have that strong able body back, I also am
making a point to appreciate the body I'm in right now, still strong, just in a
very different way, in the growing a human way, which is amazing on its own.
Plus this time around my body didn’t put me through the vomit ringer which I really
REALLY appreciated. Not throwing up like 5 times a day was a huge bonus.
I'm finally in the last leg of this gong show of a second
pregnancy, and can NOT wait to finally be onto the next part of this wonderful,
insane adventure. I just want to meet
the second little person my heart is supposedly going to make room for and feel
that intense and crazy inducing love for baby two just like I had, and continue
to have for baby one.
