So. I know what kind of baby is growing in me now. I think deep down I knew since I kept veering off into this section of baby clothes when out shopping, trying to forget that my pants kept falling down due to my overgrown belly and my undergrown legs.
Anyways, the baby in there has been kicking at me, and poking at me for a couple weeks now, more often now than before for sure. Its definitely an inner body experience...didnt feel like gas...but thats maybe because of how familiar i am with how gas feels in my belly these days. And also because I had made up my mind that wasn’t going to lay in bed trying to feel it if it was going to feel like something that COULD be gas....chances are Id get frustrated and confused and probably need to use the washroom. So I settled into the past 4 weeks with the idea in my head that since its a BABY in there, it shouldn’t feel like gas when it actually is the baby knockin on my uterus door, that any baby of mine will be knocking with some form of persistence so I would be able to figure out/distinguish this one.
So, I went on with my life. And then one night laying on my belly reading my book , ( I figured that belly side lying would provoke some action) i felt a definite alien movement inside my tummy that wasn’t dinner. Seriously, its not like something you can confuse. Its surreal and freaks the shit out of any first time preggo lady, or it should. Its a BEING INSIDE YOUR BELLY. So I felt it, I freaked out, obviously, and felt like I should go vomit or cry. Thats what pregnancy will do to a girl, you either can throw up, cry or sleep. It took some getting used to, the feeling of bizarre little movements inside you, against your skin but under it, like if you were to tap your belly, but on the inside. But the same kind of light, but obvious touch. I admit that I like it more now that Im accustomed to it, however, something i am NOT getting used to is the bladder kicking. Initially i was annoyed, but then when i saw how little space the little banana in there has once I have even a ¼ cup of pee building up. If a giant balloon of pee was slowly getting closer and closer to me, i would kick it too i bet. Still though, it leads me to be in the car on a nice drive into town, to having to pull over on the highway to pee....and then at that point when you pee only for 2.5 seconds and feel better...you feel pretty jilted. Ive been seriously considering just buying some heavy duty pads and peeing the tsp of pee out when i have to and go about my business.
But thats borderline behaviour ...even for a pregnant woman.
Anyways, we had the ultra sound, and right away Jake said that he could see what the sex of the baby is...now Jake is a financial planner...he aint no ultrasound/medical savvy person...so i think we all know what that means. Yep, theres a baby with boy parts in there. Ive been showed several times. Now, if you had told me 8 weeks ago that the baby was a boy i would have had an emotional breakdown and thrown up until the following week. But that was when we were in the midst of “the hell” so things have changed. I was so so so so so anxious to know so finding out it was a black baby would have even made me feel better. I just needed more information about the banana that was growing in t here (turns out literally...)
I was surprisingly happy, since now i can say he is bugging me, and i can blame Jake for giving me a boy that sporatically kicks me where it counts. (the pee bag).
Im still making peace with the fact that my very female body is creating a boy. I don’t really get how that can happen. I mean....Im full of all kinds of womanly horomones lately, and alllllllllll kinds of full of womanly complaints. And its all to produce this little boy baby. Doesn’t seem to add up. How me crying at commercials for diapers is now creating a penis and boy that probably will think that bugs are fun to play with ......seems a little off base. But here we are.
So i have resigned that i will get to have a little baby boy with pretty blue walls and cute overalls. And Leave jake the teenage years when that little baby boy gets a beard (unless he takes after jake...then it will just be patchwork of the chin) and wants to make out with girls in the back seats of cars.
That is until the sex talk. Then mom is back in. And im bringing a sweaty, smelly, vomitty , swollen pregnant woman with me. That ought to do the trick.
The good news about having a boy is this means i probably will want to get pregnant again one day to try for one of each....otherwise Im not convinced that even George Bush , who in my mind must be pretty convincing of alot of bullshit since he was elected TWO times by millions of Americans, could convince me that pregnancy is awesome.....
Anyways. On to boy onsies and rag quilts that my mom can start preparing.
And onto convincing jake he owes me one for giving him a male heir.
And onto writing “your welcome” letters to the world for creating ANOTHER lockhart boy.
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