Post Push Party.

So many perspectives on pregnancy, the joys, the flaws, the ups, the downs, the emotional mess and the physical mess, and its always interesting to hear what other people think of their pregnancies and their experiences, especially when some woman tells you” Oh yeah, that happened to me too” deeeep exhale of relief since you accidentally just told her about that time you farted and blamed it on a patient who was close to unconscious to the doctor who obviously smells it.

Its also such a blessing to hear other women say, yeah pregnancy sucks, but its SO worth it once you get to meet your little baby thats been living in there. Side note: that baby literally was living in your belly, it wakes up and goes to sleep, beats around on your organs doing his daily exercises and yawns and gets the hiccups....is this NOT freaking anyone else out? Also, how lame would it be to live in someone’s tummy....i  guess though, that they like it since they don’t know what else is out there.....I’m distracted...i was saying something else.

Oh right, Im looking forward to being able to tell another woman one day, listen lady, its totally worth it....check out how cute my baby is.

Now. Chatting with a friend today, i realised how many things i want to do when this wonderful little thing is out of my body. There’s a few. So i have decided, that post push, i am going to throw myself a “Get it in you cause you can” party and you can all come. This is how the night will look:

I will get dressed up in HEELS. (even though i walk like an idiot in them)

I will wear a dress that wouldn’t have fit over my belly, or would have, but would have looked like I was one of those trashy pregnant women that is pregnant but also trying to pick up a daddy for said soon to come baby. Boobs out and all.

I will start this party late at night, since I will be awake still...since i wont be sharing my body, and be ten times more exhausted because he is using up all the good stuff and leaving me with what I can only assume is cast off vitamins...

I will put out normal books and fun trashy magazines out in the house, because I will no longer need books on how to push a ten pounder out from my special area, or books on what food will get me through the next 12 weeks of said pregnancy...

There will be an array of food such as:

Sushi: all raw mostly.

Fruit: mostly unwashed.

SO MUCH GOAT CHEESE ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY.

Honey to put on anything and everything and its going to be very unpasteurized.

Shark (since apparently I cant eat that, even though I never have, Im going to have it at the party)

Energy Drinks full of caffeine

Coffee

Coffee cake

Coffee beans in chocolate

Cookie dough and other things with raw eggs.

You get the idea.

So if you are pregnant you may not want to come.

Also.

We will be serving ZERO water at this party. It will be only wine, and things that have been soaked in wine.

There will be beer, and champagne and shots. And blended beautiful drinks too, like the ones they couldn’t really recreate virgin, like a bellini...

I also will be handing out Advil at this party. And cold medicine, since i couldn’t have that either.  Advil and a glass of wine is literally all i have wanted for the past 6 weeks of back pain and nursing work...and damn it its going to be at the party.

You all may bring presents, but if they are baby related, they will deferred to a later party, since this party only accepts wine and other forms of alcohol as gifts.

There will no talk of babies, or vaginas or vomiting or smelly gas at this party, it will be strictly gossip, men, movie star romances and all the fun things going on in your lives...even if you don’t have much going on, invent some stories because thats all we have to go on. Invent some summer romance now, or imagine a big  promotion that you COULD get in a few years and pretend its now. We will need some meat for the conversations.

We are going to dance. Hard. Just be prepared, and there will be no 4 lb baby slowing me down this time. The only muscles im going to be stretching out and aching are the ones needed for my  Britney spears moves, and that will be next day.

Once I am thoroughly full of raw meats, soft cheeses, and at least 8 bottles of wine, i will then proceed to sing karaoke, and pass out ON MY STOMACH to sleep. And i wont be up to be even once. Much less 5 times to pee.

Obviously Jake has the wee baby during this time.  Since I think he will be much to young to hear his mothers karaoke talent at that time.

Anyways, i will be sending out invitations to said  party via this website once baby boy lockhart is welcomed into the world and has a bit of some footing. Then its on like donkey kong. Prepare yourselves, because that girl that you used to know that you used to work to keep up with on the drinking end and the karaoke end and the dance floor....shes coming back full force once this party gets kicked off.