Warning Labels re: pregnancy.

If men wore outfits like this....I think we would all be able to make more informed decisions.
(please notice how awesome my painting of Jake is...I have a feeling I may have a career in Paint Impressions)

Who are we kidding. Between this guy's dance moves and the offer of more wine, I never had a chance in hell. Bring on the babies.

Widening bellies and narrowing opinions.

So. Im getting bigger. Yes yes, i do realise this will continue to happen...however every day that i try to do my pants up its like RE realising that my belly is now becoming its own little solar system.
 Im becoming ominous now. Like when you have that wart/mole on your foot that seems kind of insignificant so you ignore it, but then each day you glance at it and notice it becoming larger....and then soon people start saying things like "woah.." when they see it and you start thinking, maybe this is something I should start noticing/taking heed of before it gets out of conrol. Im putting off really taking it seriously just yet, its just a belly...but soon, even my "belly band" wont be able to keep my pants up. Gravity will take over the band, and it will fall and so will my pants.
So i must soon get on board and actually BUY some maternity clothes. However, this is another thing that you need women for. I have taken Jake, but hes in "super supportive, you look amazing in all things even though your belly is almost out past your boobs and you cant see your feet when you look down" mode.
So hes not a good judge of what actually looks good and what just makes me seem even huger than I am. YES i realise its a baby, and its all very exciting, blah blah blah....
When its not you.
To me, its just another annoying thing i have to figure out and am trying to avoid doing. Just like how I try to sleep on my tummy still...until the onset of shortness of breath and LIERALLY the movement of my entire uterus in my abdomen moving to the side happens. Just like how I still browse through wine sections of liquor stores. But now its getting innapropriate to do since its not not just the "kind of belly heavy" girl in the aisle...its the preggo one. Another tacky thing for pregnant ladies to do.
Correction. Pregnant women. NOT pregnant Ladies. Theres NOTHING lady like about pregnancy.
Nothing dainty, nothing pretty, nothing delicate.
Its all very obvious movements, heavy breathing, back pain and well...farting and vomitting.
Theres alot of things pregnant women aren't supposed to do. Like admit that most people who say pregnancy rules are lying to your face. I have recently been taking tally of people that enjoy pregnancy, or even LIKE pregnancy...the list is short.
literally, its like 2:8 right now.
Think about THAT when you're family planning. LIterally, sex talks should be accompanied by a pregnant woman that can just be present during that talk....just her presence at most times will probably scare off most teens who think "well getting pregnant means getting on tv"
I know my presence would do it. Seriously, I cannooooooot wait to give the sex talk to my kids. Theres so much more than just STD's to be scared of.
Sorry to all the women out there that are looking forward to bearing life..or are enjoying it thus far..I have a feeling that actually having the baby in my house and not in my womb will probably change my attitude. Then I bet i wills ay it was worth it. I am not convinced that I will say , "Id do it all over again in a heartbeat". I am just not convinced this moment will happen. Again, this is my opinion, and i apoligize if you did love pregnancy, but I have a feeling im more of an outcome/result/finale kind of girl and less of an "enjoy the journey" person when it comes to pregnancy. And reality shows. I like to just know who gets the rose/the million bucks/ and the wedding ring.
but either way, in my system like 7/9 women would agree with me.
Anyways, Heres some more pictures of my increasing girth. For everyone to take note of my size so they can re evaluate their hugging statures, and "let me just slip by you here" space needed.
19 weeks.
Much love.

Impatience and pregnacy dont mix.

So, to add to the beauty that is pregnancy, here’s something else they don’t tell you so much about “bearing life”, you fart all the time. Yes yes, it’s not something you should say out loud if you are a “lady” but I however, am no lady, I’m a pregnant woman. So I’m gonna say it and you’re gonna let me. All this farting has led me to have very awkward work moments where I slowly back out of rooms while patients are telling me something, rolling backwards on a chair away from the doctor asking me about which order I wanted, and over all, finding small parts of the hospital that I can sneak to and fart in without people noticing. Yep, Gross. But if your intestines were getting pushed up and into your diaphragm and all around this cantaloupe sized object in your belly, you’d be gassy too. So drop the judgement.

It’s this constant rumbling in my tummy that makes it really difficult to distinguish what might be the onion knocking on my oversized uterus to say hello. Oh wait, the onion is now a sweet potato. That’s harder to say though, so let’s just go with potato. That’s funnier anyways. As I was saying, the potato should be making me aware of its existence pretty quick here, and this is something I am looking forward to. AND also panicking about. I mean it’s not like this is something I will be totally cool with...it will be a little human inside my belly moving around and bumping into me that I FEEL. Unfortunately, for those of us that have the sad duty of throwing up pretty consistently throughout the majority of pregnancy, other than the vomit, there’s nothing THAT tangible about pregnancy. It’s all pretty theoretical. Even the fat could be attributed to too many aero bubbles, freezies and cheese whiz. (not combined). But FEELING A LITTLE POTATO inside you? Now that’s about as real as its going to get (aside from meeting the little potato some day in November). And since I am way over eager to find out what the sex of this little potato is, I’m hoping I get a knock from it soon so I can calm down and just appreciate what’s going on inside me without going crazy counting down the hours to our “gender determination” appointment. Sigh.

Friends of ours and my cousin have all found out what they get to have, and I’m SO excited/ and jealous also that they get to know what’s growin in there. I’m like 90% happy for them and 10% jealous. Jake may disagree and say it’s more split since our conversation on Thursday before work went like this:

“JAKE”

“yes madi”

“IM SO annoyed I don’t get to know what’s in my belly”

Laughs. “of course you are”

“I’m serious, I’m frustrated, and today is just another stupid day I have to wait through, stupid BC making me wait”

“I have no doubt in my mind you would drive to Calgary if you thought they would give you an appointment today”

“I would”

“I know”

“You’d judge me though”

“you bet I would”

“If you had said you wouldn’t judge me I would have gotten in the car, but now I’m not going to”

Sigh. My lack of patience is really shining through with pregnancy.

I go so back and forth about pregnancy being SOO long and having to wait and wait and wait for all the fun things, but then when I step back from my impatience being a huge barrier, I realise that 9 months isn’t very long at all....to go from just living life to being someone’s mother. Yep overwhelming. Like everyone else is starting to think about doing their Christmas shopping early...and I’m thinking about birth plans. (which is pretty much...get the baby out, save my vageene as much as possible, the less casualties the better). Isn’t that bizarre? It is to me. So okay, I’ve calmed myself down. I guess I can wait another 12 days to find out the sex of the baby....Now I feel like I was overreacting...oh well.

 Such is life of being JUST behind everyone else you know that’s preggo. I am beyond delighted that I get to start buying little beautiful boy blue things for people though. And trains and cars and planes. I have a nephew so I know the deal on boy awesomeness. And awesome boy toys.

I just farted again.

No baby movement that time.

Or maybe that was it. Who knows. Well I guess lots of people do...psh. I will be patient. I will be patient. I will be patient. I will be patient......

Just to add to my future fears....the snotty teenager...

I read an article today that hit home for me, I know it did because Im apparently “with child” as noted by my ever enlarging gut/belly. However, me and onion baby still have not had a moment where I know its there other than the gas and the gut...and sometimes im very aware of the fact that it doesn’t know that Im here either, I mean if it did, maybe it would say, you know, enough of all the crazy horomones, lets let the big host momma not throw up more often, Im set. However, I do notice it also when im work alot....sciatica and hugely intense pulling and stretching in my pelvis lead to believe i MUST be growing an onion in there. This body just doesn’t belong to me anymore. Its strange.

However, Im off tangent. I read this article by Naomi Lakritz in the Calgary herald online. (check it: http://digital.theprovince.com/epaper/viewer.aspx)  A friend of mine posted it that has children and believes this woman is hitting the nail right on  the head as well. I was both appalled and impressed by what this woman had to say, I mean its hard to be the brunt of a rant, and this woman is blaming society for those shitty kids that tell their mom to shut the f*** up and riot in Vancouver after they lose a hockey game. I DISTINCTLY remember seeing teenagers and 20ish year old kids just jumping in and kicking in windows, screaming and high fiving while cars were lit on fire, spitting at cops and being just all around assholes (excuse the language, but come on). I remember watching these kids specifically on the news and thinking, who in the HELL do you think you are? If that was my kid I would be both ashamed and outraged, I don’t even know what kind of punishment you give a kid who degrades humanity. I mean a lie is something you know how to discipline for, but when you have the kid that straight up thinks that it’s appropriate to show the worst side of human nature and lose every inch of dignity that they  had just to look cool on TV to their other brainless teenage friends....I’m stuck.

Lakritz in Calgary though, she’s got the right idea. It shouldn’t be something you ever discipline for because it should NEVER happen. In the article (which I’m hoping you read) it talks about how kids and adults worlds are ever separate, that learning is ALWAYS fun, and that if it isn’t fun, your children shouldn’t have to be a part of it. This IS the problem. It’s so clear now that she has stated that fact. I wasn’t the best teenager but I for sure was eons and eons away from the kids that swore at their parents, did what they wanted no matter who got hurt and felt entitled to the world. Respect is something that is just gone in most kids today, and that terrifies me being a pregnant person. What kind of onion is my baby going to be? It’s difficult because I know how technology is just so immersed in society, making it hard to not give your kids the cell phones they can talk on when they are nine and waiting for you to pick them up from school, the game boys they can play on in church, the play station they can take to grandma’s house when you go over for coffee. It’s EVERYWHERE. It’s even in the car on the way to grandmas. Terrifying.

I remember, I LITERALLY remember staring out the windows on 12 HOUR drives to vacation with my family, and we all went together, we all sat in the car while my dad put on tapes about how to improve our memory, or listen to CBC radio....and while its hilarious to tell those stories now, 4 kids crammed into a van with a dog in the middle, towing a tent trailer, listening to memory improvement tapes (there were like 15) and then having my dad turn them off and ask us what we got out of that tape. It was brutal. But now, it’s a hilarious memory, and it’s a family memory, it wasn’t us watching Shrek, while my parents both drove and played on their I phone.  If you didn’t want to participate with your family, then you stared out the window, but you sure as hell were in that car, and you sure as hell were going to learn some patience in the mean time.

Kids need to be immersed into the parts of being a kid, and being an adult, that aren’t fun. But are extremely important. Taking your kids to funerals, so they can learn about life and death, to learn to feel that tangible pain in the air when someone loved is lost, and to just KNOW that it’s not the time to ask for a cookie , that their world is a PART of the larger picture, not separate. They need to learn that sometimes learning is about patience and perseverance, because once college hits, those teachers aren’t eager to please you and engage you, you either learn or you fail. And to me, that’s the same lesson they need to know about life, you either learn, or you struggle. You learn the social cues, you learn the need for patience and understanding, you learn the hard lessons so the easy ones are more noticeable, and more appreciated.

I played outside after school, as so many people my age can say. We went camping in the bush and crammed into a tent trailer instead of a hotel or a 5^th wheel. Our friends came over for dinner so my parents could meet them, and I went to people’s houses to meet their families, and I used my manners, knew my place as a KID and not in any way a boss, in either another persons, or my own home. I got dropped off at my grandparents for a week every summer with my brother, and we played games in the yard, went for walks, went to the pool and helped my grandparents in the garden. No saga at grandmas.

My parents did the best they could, and our family turned out really well, and so I’m hoping that same mentality will transfer to raising my own family, that we will do our best and hope for the best. But I sure as hell am taking them to funerals, to watch their siblings soccer games without a game boy, and to grandmas with nothing but a smile and the eagerness to make banana bread with her.

Thanks Nadine, You’ve both terrified me and enlightened me. Just one more thing to add to my list of terrifying things to come once onion arrives....pregnancy leads to worry/fretting over impossibly far away things. I won’t even get INTO the debate about which school year to put the onion into..

Anyways, the article really made me think, and I wanted to share it, and my hugely exaggerated fears that the onion is in there already with this super high need for technology and stimulation other than mom and dad’s funny faces...

What can pregnancy do for YOU?

So its now official that people are looking at me, and smiling knowingly or exclaiming to me how pregnant  I am. My mom thinks I should tell these people Im not pregnant and see how they react to that. I probably wont though, I don’t want people thinking i just look like this.

I do appreciate some of the perks that come with being pregnant and out in the open...meaning now that my belly is out in the open and demanding wide berth from everything around me, people want to help you out typically. The best place they want to help ME out is at work .Its unreal. And also amazing, because its the one time/place I actually DO need help. Like when I have aggressive patients, and the nurse working with me offers to give the haldol or hold the patient down for me, or the LPN helps me out by making sure shes there to help me with all my lifts that night. Its pretty great. Nursing is typically a pretty thankless job, with lots of work and not alot of help, but when you show up carrying a 5oz beanie baby in your uterus, the help that you could never find before, just magically appears.

So thank you onion baby,  you are finally helpin your future mamma out instead of making everything harder/more complicated/more vomitty.

Having help at work when you’re doing 12 hour shifts at the hospital is definitely the best part of being pregnant so far. There are others, which I will go over, but Im hoping that more also arise, since the list isn’t hugely long. Mostly being pregnant is about throwing up, exhaustion and a severe need for freezies in the house.  Oh and blood work. I don’t get how being pregnant gives the health authority the right to alllll my blood. Its annoying and to be honest, im starting to think they are just using me to donate blood without knowing it, since I will have approximately 25% more blood than the average person soon enough..

Average person: approximately 5 Litres of the red stuff

Preggo Person: approximately 6.25L of  the good stuff

Average Donation: about .5 of a litre (blood services says they take about 450 ml but ive never seen a unit with more than 390mls...so don’t panic if you are donating)

So. They can take a whole unit from me and still Id have more blood than you. Actually they could take two or ALMOST three without even making me a normal human body full of blood. This in my mind makes me superhuman. However in reality, i have a feeling its why i feel so short of breath all the time, gotta oxygenate the red stuff you know.

So I may beat you in a bleed off, but a brisk walk? I would lose. You figure out which is more bad ass.

Anyways, I think I had a point. Oh, well first of all, your welcome for taking my blood every week /day it feels like, I hope you are keeping it somewhere for people that need it, and remember to tell them that its very fertile...and to watch out for wine. I may have to start poking Jake with needles so he can feel how my body is now just a huge incubator, free for poking at, looking inside, listening to and sacrificing in means of the greater good.

Greater good=baby.

Back to my other point, the positives about being pregnant are as follows:

a.       You get a baby at the end of it.

b.       You get praised for getting fatter...that doesn’t happen if you actually are just getting fat..its more of a taboo thing at that point to say “look how big you are!”

c.        Stretchy pants all the time/anytime for any reason and people are cool with it.

d.       Jake takes the garbage out all the time

e.        You get to measure your life in means of weeks and SO much happens in just one, so if you think your week was lame, like you didn’t do much, when you’re preggo, you get to say well, i grew my baby some arms this week...

There you go, so far, thats what ive got, so its not a lot, but that first one is typically the one that gets people through it all, the pregnancy, and the birthing of said 10lb baby. You guys cross your fingers, and I will cross my legs to hope that 10lbs doesn’t come to fruition.

Praise for getting a gut...thats pregnancy.

So, this is what an onion sized baby, at the end of this week, becoming a sweet potato looks like inside my belly. To be fair my uterus is also bigger than that. And to be fair, I don thave much space up in there.I seem to have gotten blown up overnight. And in my defence, I think Jake took these shots at angles to make me and the baby look bigger than we are. Because believe me, at two am with cheese whiz...we dont feel this big, we feel great.

So I guess its definately now time to stop going to bars, hang up the shirts that used to show off my belly button ring and tuck the pants ...well all the pants i ever owned into some far away drawer. Its elastic waist and lu lu lemon time. bring it.

17 going on 18 weeks

Obviously Jake made some joke here. Read my face jake.

These are the Lu Lu lemon pants my mom hates because they are disgusting. But baby likes them.

Again. i think this is an angle thing.....right?....sigh.

What a pregnant woman wants..other than wine..

Pregnancy leads to one absolute need in a woman’s life. This is something I am both sure about, and would recommend to other women in a second the moment they say “I missed my period”. Its not a big secret, but its something you wouldn’t think about initially, I mean lets be honest, initially, the most important thing you need is an ativan and a glass of wine to prepare you for the next 9 months.

HOWEVER, this one absolute need is this: other women. Now to be fair, you also need a supportive husband, a healthy family support system, multi vitamins, and a nice doctor who can ease you through the whole pregnancy process.  But at the end of the day, having other women around you, can make the difference between an emotional breakdown and a ‘lets go buy baby clothes’ kind of day. They don’t necessarily have to be pregnant women, just anyone that has a vageene pretty much. This is because, in my opinion, women are emotionally tuned in to other women, they CAN sympathize because either they have been through it, are in the midst of it, or fear/can imagine it happening to them one day. Men cant say that. It just aint the same difference.  Telling your husband that you’re feeling self conscious about your ever enlarging breasts gets a response like “ isn’t that a perk of pregnancy?” or “I love it”. Tell a woman that, and she CAN sympathize with that concern. Tell your husband you think an episiotomy is the end of the world, he says “episy what?” you explain. He looks horrified. You tell another woman, and the concern they have for both your, and her vagina, is very real. And so you get the picture.

I have found that throughout this entire process, the best days I have, the best weeks I have are ones where I get to spend time with other women, chat with other women, and complain to other women. Jake is a great support all the time, always trying to find things he can do to make me feel better, more supported, more loved, but at the end of the day, sometimes all a woman wants, is another woman. *cue dirty comment about lesbianism here*

But anyone who has had any form of close female friend knows how wonderful that is, because women are eager to form connections to people, whether its to fall in love, or to make lasting friendships with that woman they just met at the supermarket. We want to tell someone that we hate the color of our hair, or love the new bag we just bought, or dream about True Blood episodes. We love to learn about what makes each other happy, what makes each other sad, and what EXACT moment you knew you were in love with that guy you’re dating/married to. We are nesters, which to me means, that we love to make homes, not just physical homes, but  homes in other people. Im sure you all know you have a woman or two that has a nest in your heart too, and chances are you’ve been able to make yourself a home, a comfy little nest inside someone else too, because either you are a woman who has made a home in another woman, or a man who has been allowed to make a comfy place inside some wonderful lady you’re with or know.

HENCE, pregnant women, who are in desperate need all the time of emotional “pig outs” so to speak or love-in sleep overs, need other women around to escape to, and to feel normal with. We’re desperate for it. And if you are pregnant and haven’t been around women much in the past few months, go find one you love and see how much your mood improves. It can be your mom, your sister, your friends, both pregnant and non pregnant, your cousins, your mother in law, your sister in law, your aunt, your co worker, or even the lady at the farmers market who wants to know when you’re due. Just find one and soak in the huge difference that being around a woman, someone who is also interested in making you a home in them and making a home in you, will make in your day.

Yes, Men , when they are a good one, are wonderful, and supportive. I do admit that in my life I wouldn’t make through each and every day of this pregnancy without that guy I have bringing me treats home after work every afternoon, hugging me through the bad days, and making me laugh on the good ones, but that being said, an afternoon with a woman in your life that you love? Hugely awesome.

So to all the women I adore in my life, You’re wonderful, and you make every day of this 9 months just a little easier, and I cannot be more grateful. And neither can Jake for that matter.

Chocolate milk and cocaine are not the same thing.

Well, its one am.
Something I would like to blame being pregnant on, but instead the blame actually lies in being a nurse. 12 hour night shifts, 4 hours of sleep, then up all day, until....6pm when i fall asleep on the couch until Jake literally picks me up and brings me to bed at 9pm...and im bright eyed a bushy tailed at one am. Perfection.
So me and onion baby are watching oceans eleven and eating celery and cheese whiz. I am enjoying the fact that technically Im not up by myself, and that right now , the majority of mine and Jakes family are up and hes sleeping the good times away.
I would also KILL for some chocolate milk right now. My sister had a HUGE craving for chocolate milk when she was pregnant (which she denies) and Im just now starting to get that, celery and chocolate milk sounds lovely. However, i believe that my true craving lies in cheese whiz. Disgusting, orange cheese whiz. I tried looking for it in the book "100 healthiest foods to eat during pregnancy" ....wasnt there. I was obviously dissapointed, but have since moved on to, "whatever, im eating it."
My TRUE craving is for wine. But thats me and probably 80% of preggos out there Im thinking. Although most of them dont say it, its kind of unclassy to say when you're "bearing life"
I have learned, that while pregnant there is the pressure called "when you're pregnant everything you want you cant have" Theres a long list.
Coffee/Deli Meats/Soft cheese/hot dogs/high sugar things/chocolate things/hot tubs/ and obviously alcohol. (deep sigh)
The list is longer, but out of saving my own peace of mind im not going to type the one that the book tells me about. Because it stresses me out thinking about how anyone is supposed to remember all those foods/activities without a notepad. And also, because most of them I think are crap. well other than the hard drugs and alcohol bit...i mean thats not good for most people so definately not ones the size of an onion.
The thing is theres alot of pressure from OTHER pregnant ladies too, " Oh, thats okay, you go ahead and order the egg salad, I dont eat eggs because they can kill your baby, but you go ahead"
well shit. I guess I'll have a hot chocolate and bagel with cream cheese.
Nope.
"theres like 12mg of caffeine in hot chocolate, and who knows how they store their cream cheese"
so...I'll have a water, and a celery please.
"was that washed with tap water?"
SIGH.
The worst part is IM A NURSE. And listening to people say that egg salad will kill my baby just irks me in more ways then one. Alot of these things are fine, if you just prepare them properly, have them in moderation, or just use your brain for all around intent and purposes.
Well, again, except for cocaine and alcohol.
and smoking, thats a no no too.
However, god only knows how many women were drinking/smokin and eating goat cheese back in the day that had healthy babies. Sometimes its just luck of the draw im thinking.
So, at the end of the day, everyone does pregnancy differently. And as long as everyone is in the know about whats what and whos who while you're bakin a baby, everyone can make healthy happy little balls of joy weighing approximately 7-8 lbs.
Whether you're a nature lovin mamma doing the organic food thing, or an on the go preggo doing the egg salad one. keep out the cocaine, the 10 cups of coffee a day, the bottle of wine for therapeutic use, and the raw fish, and enjoy that chocolate milk.
Because if theres anyone in the world that deserves a glass of wine, its  a pregnant woman, but since we are watchin out for that 5 oz peanut growin in our bellies, chocolate milk and a cheeseburger on occasion, should be a god given right.
Then again, who knows, Im just annoyed that I cant have a night cap and head back to bed. cranky pregnant lady=rant.
So. Back to my cheese whiz ,celery and late night rendez-vous with George Clooney.

which vegetable is living in you?

Theres an onion in my belly. The website that tells you how big your fetus is each week told me that I now have an onion...last week we had an avocado in there...I told jake, and then he brought a whole bunch of avocados  home to put in salads...I felt weird about it. We are now officially 17 weeks pregnant. I have a baby the size of an onion in my tummy. And let me tell you. I can tell.

Well, i cant tell tell. I cant see it. But i can see that my stomach doesn’t fit in my pants anymore. And that i cant sleep on my belly at work on the stretchers anymore....it limits my breathing, which is a problem. For me and for the baby, since it breathes via me.  I also am upset by the fact taht i cant eat much at atime right now. Im not sure i can blame that on the pregnancy...but im going to. I figure that space is constricted in there. Leaving less room for celery and cheese whiz. Boo.

BUT 17 weeks means that we are only 3 weeks away from boy or girl time. Thats right, we are finding out. I don’t want to hear all the “ooooh why?! Its so much fun to find out when you give birth”

Um no. The last thing I will care about at that point will be if it has boy parts or girl parts, at that point all im going to be caring about is taking care of my parts...and making sure they stay the way i would like them to. And Im also not that person that can just “let go” and “let it be” and all that crap. I need to know. I need some control. I feel like none of this pregnancy so far has in my control...i mean i didn’t plan it ...but i sure can plan a nursery. And im entitled to it.

And I do want a particular one of these babies, boy or girl. I want a girl. I don’t know why..i just do. I think its because I think Jake is going to give me boys. And i like to go against the grain..or against jake as often as possible to make things interesting. I explained to Jake several times in many ways that men make the baby’s gender.

Lesson one in how if this baby is a boy its Jakes fault:

Lady parts carry this gene : Girl/Girl  thats all my eggs have got. They can only make girls.

Boy parts carry this one: Girl/Boy or Girl/Girl so jake has options on which card to use.

Combine my Girl/Girl egg with Jakes Girl/Girl, we get ultimately, a girl. (the word girl sounds weird now..i don’t like typing it)

Combine my Girl/Girl with Jakes Girl/Boy...we have ourselves a baby that pees in your face by accident.

Now, I should make myself clear, (as Jake as been worried about t his in the past) I will love the baby either way, I mean it will be something I made, and threw up probably approximately 103 times just to grow, and it will be something that me and jake can teach to be as cool as we were in our golden years. And lets face it, it will be pretty cute no matter what. But right now, now that I don’t know what it is and i get to be unrealistic and hopeful and nobody can really tell me its wrong to hope for one or another because im the one baking it, I want a girl. That being said, for everyone that says, well as long as its healthy it doesn’t matter....thats bull. By saying i want a girl im not saying that i don’t want a healthy baby. These two things are not related and cannot be put int he same sentence. You can say, I hope the baby is healthy. And i Hope the baby is a girl/boy. But you cant say it has to be one or the other. Lots of people have healthy babies that are boys or girls. In fact most do. So no more of the “it doesn’t matter” . it does. To alot of people.

And im one. However, boy  babies are awesome too. I just keep reminding myselef that if i am having a boy, he could be super cute/super fun/super adorable like my  nephew Evan is. Which would totally be great too. So yes. I want a girl at this point, but im pretty sure either way,  Im set. Babies are babies and our baby is our baby. And also, if its a boy then Jake has to do more of the work i figure at a certain point...like with the sex talks. So thats pretty sweet.

However, I am imagining a life filled with unicorns, my little ponies, curly hair in pigtails and Dora the explorer at this point. And im entitled to that dream. Plus I like the names we have picked out for girls.

However, if everyone else has boys this year, then maybe we will want  a boy so we can make them all be friends until the end of time, and have barbeques and coach baseball teams all together. That would also be fun. Okay Im getting myself confused again. So I need stop writing down thoughts and just get back to my day. I will start posting pictures of my enormity starting soon. for all to enjoy...and feel smug that they are normal sized about.

Trimester one=Hate.

So once you’re pregnant, accidentally or on purpose, you get to experience the “magic” of your first trimester. I have relabled trimester one as “the hate”, theres justifiable reasons for this though. Believe you me. Or ask Jake.

So the baby sets up camp, its actually just an “embryo” at this point, seems harmless enough, i mean you’re not fat yet, you don’t feel things moving around inside you that doesn’t consist of the Mexican food you ate earlier that night  and you can still wear your expensive jeans. HOWEVER, when that embryo (which later becomes fetus) starts setting up camp, nailing down the tent, putting out the sleeping bag, your body, or MY body turned into a pure state of revolt. The war had started...and the peanut inside me won ALL month long.

First of all, I was exhausted. I was not just tired, i was EXHAUSTED. Something 12 hour night shifts don’t coincide well with. Especially as a nurse, where you listen to people complain alot, my patience was at an all time low. Again. Ask Jake.

But being exhausted all the time is one thing. What led me to rename the first trimester to “the Hate” was the morning sickness. Now to start, whoever EVER titled this “morning sickness” I want to kick the ass of. That is the FARTHEST thing from what this was. My body hated me, and I hated it right back. We literally were in a full fledged war, and the casualties were many. Including my dignity.  Throwing up in the morning is one thing. What i had happening was another. Here was my TYPICAL day:
wake up

Throwup

Lay on the couch to settle my stomach

Try juice and crackers for breakfast

Throw up

Go back to bed

Get up feeling improved, eat lunch

Throw up some of it

Go to safeway to find something that looks like you COULD keep it down

Throw up the rest of lunch IN the safeway

Come home

Smell the apples that are on the counter

Dry heaving until i pulled a muscle

Jakes home

Dinner- consisting of tomato soup and half a sandwich

Tell jake about my day (jake makes sad face)

Go to bed

Get back out of bed, throw up, back into bed.

And thats what my life was like until the doctor told me that throwing up 5-6 times a day was potentially medically dangerous. And gave me what we call the miracle medication:

Diclectin: *cue the hallelujah song and birds

My life improved significantly once i was taking Diclectin, however, i still was throwing up about 3 times a day maybe two on good days all through april. And for someone to say that good days were throwing up twice a day....well i hope that just proves that april...was hell.

So trimester one was like waking up after you drank for 3 days straight, had the worst hangover, could barely get out of bed, and when you did you were throwing up...and the whole time you’re thinking “ maybe i should be in a hospital..this doesn’t seem quite right.” Except that at least in that situation you had a fun night prior. Imagine that hangover day, Everyday, until you are finally given the gift of trimester two.

Yeah. It sucked. So for every mothe/preggo out there who only had the nausea a bit, I was wishing i was you every step of the way, and be forever thankful that your body/ your peanut and your head were all on the same page, and the war that was morning sickness all day everyday didnt take hold of your body and life.

 And because i don’t know what it would be like to be able to lead a normal life the first 10 weeks of a pregnancy from weeks 6-10, I will NEVER understand how people tell other people, other pregnant people, how wonderful pregnancy is.

I for one, that entire first trimester couldn’t get my head around why people get pregnant on purpose. The logic just wasn’t there.

But now that “the Hate”  is over, and the realization that Im going to get my own little madi/jake Halfling the size of a watermelon...well..that makes it seem worthwhile...again, NOW THAT ITS OVER....i can say that.